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Chanella Bella

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The Connection Between Cooking and Nostalgia [05 Apr 2011|01:24pm]

One of my first memories was creating recipes for marinated and sauteed mushrooms and making ice cream from scratch. If there was a chance to bake or cook for my class growing up, I took it. My birthday, projects on colonial times, etc. In high school, I took every cooking class and when it came to college, although I stumbled into the recording arts a bit, I ultimately ended up going to culinary school for Patisserie and baking. Being in the kitchen always been very therapeutic for me. “Going into [cooking] when you have no hope is sometimes just what you need to get to a better place”.  So true in so many different aspects. Sometimes I feel the need to cook even when I am not physically hungry.
Usually, when I cook I am testing myself. Not if I can technically make the dish correctly, but if I can get it to taste exactly like my parents' dishes did. See, my Japanese/Mexican- American dad passed away when I was 16, and my Filipino mom when I was 24. With both of them gone, and me being the only one who has any idea of how to do it, there's a lot of pressure to make our family recipes such as teriyaki beef or nilagang manok (filipino chicken soup) as close to the real thing as I can. It would absolutely break my heart to realize that I’ve forgotten how to cool sushi rice without making it too mushy or damaging the grains or how to mold potato croquettes. By making dishes like these often, I know that I am going to be able to carry on their tradition and spirit through one of the only ways I know how—through food. And retaining the knowledge…or rather, NOT retaining the knowledge, scares the hell out of me.
When I get it right—I am as satisfied as I can be. I feel my parents looking over my shoulder making sure it tastes right, just like when I was a kid. One bite and it brings me directly back to the memory of making each dish for the first time. It's intense. And it is also just the opposite if I get something wrong even just by a little bit. I’m as disappointed as when I made rice (actually, porridge…oopsies?) for the first time. It's a horrible feeling. If I have something else to eat that night, the unsuccessful dish is saved for another day or thrown away. It doesn’t stop with cooking. Like I said, baking has been my safe haven—my back up, the one thing I could turn to (besides writing). My homie. If I’m in a bad mood, I bake. I was pissed off the other day. I made snickerdoodles and a sense of calm rushed over me.

Walt Disney said, "I love the nostalgic myself. I hope we never lose some of the things of the past." You've got to hold on to your roots, anyway that you can. Sometimes it's not about the measuring and mixing. It was the good memories of measuring and mixing that heal my heart.

Mommy and I are my graduation from Le Cordon Bleu in 2009.


Hi Joy (or whoever is reading :)! Thanks for taking the time to read this. You're the best. I think it's so awesome to be have the opportunity to give your readers the chance to do be a part of your blog. I hope I made it in time! This is not my actual blog anymore, but it was the only way to have it be public so you could see it. If I do get chosen, if you want, you can link people to my facebook (http://www.facebook.com/chanelle.molina) because I do share a lot of my foodie writing on there. 

PS. A short story: My sister and I were listening to a mix CD that I made years ago, and the last song on it was yours, "Crazy Girls". She asked me why I put it on there since it didn't blend with any of the other songs on the CD. I told her it was because your songs are like a little gem and I put one song on each of my mix CDs regardless of the genre. She said I should write to you and tell you that. haha There's my chance, I guess! 

Congrats on your new baby girl. I'm sure you're an amazing mama. Take care and thanks again.

Chanelle Molina
East Bay, California
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chanchanbuns history [20 May 2009|12:11am]


You think you know. And you probably do.

Created on 2002-12-10 23:02:53 (#809052), last updated 2009-04-12

586 comments received, 1,146 comments posted

Basic Account [Upgrade]

509 Journal Entries, 2 Tags, 14 Memories, 0 Virtual Gifts, 3 Userpics

I was just reminded today that I had an LJ. But seriously? 509 entries? 1000+ comments posted?! lol

Here's to another 500!

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Happy Easter. [12 Apr 2009|10:47am]


thought this shirt was cool until i realized it was a peace sign and not a fuck you one.

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[11 Feb 2009|06:35pm]
Work is killin me!

FREE work is killin me even more!

My uterus is also killin me. lol

I'm dyin!

And whats worse...I enjoy work! FREE WORK!

Half the time I don't even care that I don't get paid.

Just having the Beverly Hills Hotel on my resume is payment enough............................sometimes. lol

Oh and btw, that girl Montana from the real world works there. hahahhaahahahawtf i live in la.

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[17 Dec 2008|11:34am]
escuela is over and i'm devestated.

anyone know of a good bakery i can work?

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Yesterday [11 Sep 2008|12:14am]
[ mood | disappointed ]

Yesterday, I was going to write about how proud I was of all of the things I had done last night. Well, most. I was disappointed in my macaroons, but you can't win em all. Unless you do, then you're just a lucky person.

The production list was as follows: (to be graded)

4 biscuits
6 blueberry sour cream muffins
12 macaroons
12 double chocolate chip cookies
12 pinwheel cookies
1 apple pie with lattice crust

Baked all at different temperatures, and all with different prep times.

I thought the world of my pinwheels. I thought they were executed very nicely, and to the standard I was taught to execute them. The same goes for the muffins, and apple pie. The biscuits I was going to remake, and the macaroons I saved for last because I hate them. Didn't think the double chocolate chip cookies were too bad either, especially since I saw some disasters with no one remaking them.

I think its people who strive for mediocracy that drive me the most crazy. Just enough to get by, and be done. If its not my best, I don't even want to turn it in.

I thought more of the students in my class, and I thought we would be the class that could be the most consistent. I am wrong so far.

Tonight, I found out my grades for each product evaluated and I think saying that I was disappointed would be the understatement of the century. I know they weren't the best, but they certainly were not the worst. If anything, my work was consistent and done with technique. That's the most disheartening part about it. I found myself in class at the end of the night, cleaning, and being really freakin depressed.

I'm also on the rag so that doesn't help jack poo. I was (am) depressed and I can't help starting to lose confidence. I know tomorrow I will gain it back. Actually, the more I think about it, I gain it back. I KNOW HOW TO DO THIS STUFF. Its ridiculous to think I don't know how to bake a fucking cookie. Or create a decent looking baguette. That's so stupid. I know what I'm good at, and I know what my goals are.

But the shitty part about it all is I thought my product was good; technically correct. I was proud of what I put forward, and I assumed thats what the chef wanted.

I am sick of being unclear of expectations. I am sick of subjective grading. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean that's not how its supposed to be.

Its also not like me to get grades like this. I was just so disappointed in myself, but also in the grading process. If its gonna be this subjective, I'm screwed. I think everybody is. Different chefs teach different skills. I just don't know anymore.

But you gotta keep breathing, because tomorrow the sun will rise.

Tomorrow is a new day. I just hope things work out. I'm just ready to make some good shit.


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[07 Aug 2008|10:10am]
Good things come in threes. But so do bad!

Life is all about balance right?

Let's make a list:

* got an A in plated desserts class
* am on the menu at machon (orlando culinary's student run restaurant)
for my creamsicle cheesecake
* just found out i am transferring to tony's town square! a legit culinary position!

* been getting mad migraines for the past two months
* no money...no seriously
* need a catscan on the dome and an ultrasound on the uterus

More good: 

San Francisco Themed Cake made of Modeling chocolate: Lombard, Coit Tower, Painted Ladies

Didn't get a good angle of the Painted Ladies, but they're on the side lol 

The whole point of doing it the way I did was because I hate when people say that a cake always has a back. I didn't want my cake to have a back, I wanted it to be appealing on any side that you looked at.

Note: the Painted Ladies are the "Full House" houses

More bad:
* tired ALL THE TIME from not sleeping well


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[13 May 2008|01:01pm]
about to pick my fam bam up at the airport!!!

so stoked!!!
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[16 Feb 2008|09:49am]
[ mood | peaceful ]

I actually slept almost through the whole night last night/this morning. My sleeping patterns SUCK these days...way worse than normal since I'm 3 hours ahead of what I normally am. ie Instead of going to sleep at midnight or 1, its 3 or 4.

I had a dream last night that I was at my aunt's old house, and I was washing dishes with my dad. I broke a glass and cut the shit out of my hand. Then I fainted, and my dad grabbed me and slowly put me on the floor. Then put his arm around my head, and laid my head on his shoulder. Meanwhile, I was groggy and nauseous and almost unconscious...which is funny, because I was DEFINITELY unconscious while dreaming all of this crazy shit up! lol So, I'm on the ground, my dad's calling for help. I wake up and he goes and gets bandages for my hand...and it doesn't even hurt. I couldn't feel the pain, but I could see it bleeding. All I could think about in my dream is how my dad was helping me...and no one else was.


Hmmmmmm I don't know what that means.

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[04 Dec 2007|10:44pm]
 i might go get tattooed by kat von d next friday :)
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like fl [22 Apr 2007|01:03am]

i've decided to do something off the wall and go to tulsa for the hanson recording in a couple weeks.

i pretty much have no money or anything to actually go through with it. since i'm trying to move and all, but fuck it. i will never get to to do it again. and i'll get to see jen, tata, lovelace, and maybe even josh that son of a bitch. AND CARNY! WILL SHE BE AROUND?! 

so i'm bookin my plane ticket tomorrow. may 3rd through the 7th! and the things on my life of things to do:

- drink some booze with lovelace
-drink some booze with jen and tara
-drink some booze just to drink some booze

i'm so excited. happy birthday tara! hope you had fun at the BAR lol did you do the dueling piano place? that sounds COOL!!!



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[11 Sep 2006|10:58am]
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[31 Aug 2006|12:36am]
oh yeah. i saw tyler hilton last night at a benefit show for donna charles, an actress who was on hee-haw and she is a cast member. she had a stroke three months ago which resulted in a brain tumor, so it was to help her with her medical bills. she looked good though.

he was awesome. he got attacked by cockroaches during the show. it was hilarious.

k night
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[28 Aug 2006|05:04pm]
[ mood | nauseated ]

three days before i leave?

my lovely period comes!

fuck life.

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[07 Aug 2006|03:34am]
lol how ironic.

everyone was like, "yesterday (insert year here) rocked!"

four years ago, and three years ago for that matter, yesterday sucked really badly.


on another note, my last days at the five are near. i'm plannin on sac, oceanside, la, anaheim. all before i leave. lets hope my funds can keep up with me.

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[15 Jul 2006|01:52pm]
There is so much crap on my floor right now that I cant walk in my room. I just wanna leave it there! I don't even wanna deal with it, but I have to....BOOHOO

I usually find comfort in clutter, but I know what it is leading to. Emptiness. This time next month, I'll be packin up my clothes to go to Florida. AHHH

I wish Shandell were here, she knows what this feels like, lol

Oh and I told my boss I was moving and he told me I couldn't quit the day I wanted to...


k im bored now
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Death. [07 Jul 2006|11:01pm]
I'm depressed. Like really truly depressed. All day long I thought about this guy that I went to HS with...Josh Hopwood. I didn't know him, but I knew of him, and passed him in the halls a million times. We graduated the same year. He passed away today of leukemia. I heard he fought though. I heard he fought really hard. And that makes me happy, but its still just so sad. He was 20. I'm 20. I can't believe it.

I am glad he had found a donor though. If I found out he hadn't, I would be heartbroken. I was planning on going to the registration drive for him in March to donate bone marrow...which I still plan on doing. I had to work. It's too important not to. Especially with all these people with cancer all over the place. What's a little hip pain if you can save someone elses life. Seriously. Put some things into perspective. Even if it were more painful than that. Who cares. You can deal.

It was shipment day today, and I was talking to Rachelle about him and everything. And I thought about him all day while doing truck. (That's "restocking" in Big 5 terms) I kept praying that he'd get better or anything. Just that he wouldn't die. Then I get on myspace (the root of all evil) and read that he passed away this afternoon. It's breathtakingly heartbreaking. I can feel it in the pit of my stomach all the way down to my toes.

Another girl I went to high school with, she was three years older I think. Angelina Malfitano. I knew her sister when I was a sophomore, but we didn't talk much after that. Daniella wanted to be JUST LIKE Angelina. It was insane. Angelina was class president every year til forever, she was that type of kid. Good at everything she did. She got in a car accident on Hwy 12 last week and passed away. She lost control of her car. People say she fell asleep, but it was 9 am when she was driving...I don't know. It's weird.

It's crazy hearing about people that you knew, or knew of, dying. I can't imagine how it would feel to have to bury your kid. It's totally backwards. But on the other hand, I think there is a point, too, where a kid shouldn't have to bury their parent. I'm just confused by all of this, and I have no idea how to react...or if I'm allowed to react at all.
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[01 Jul 2006|10:14am]
I'm planning on buying my plane ticket this weekend. This makes it so...DEFINITE! Its scary! AHHH

Oh and I can text now. lol Jen, I bought that hoodie that I asked you that came in fat. IT DOES! And I bought it in turquoise and white. White is like death for me. It might as well be the color of the food or whatever that I spill on it. Its cursed.

m sick of updating now. See ya!
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[23 Jun 2006|11:05pm]
I leave August 2nd!

I'm missing: Pick's birthday, American Idols in Sac, hanging out with Samantha


I think its an even trade.

I can't wait.
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[11 Jun 2006|10:30am]
i got the internship!
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